


Phantasmal

by SpiceyHoney



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Imaginary Friend, Kid Tom, Kinda, Small time skips, idk tbh, still unsure about tagging, tom's parents, would this count as angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-10 17:31:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13506402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiceyHoney/pseuds/SpiceyHoney
Summary: Your name is Matt and you're fading away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time using AO3 and I have no idea how to use it;; it's kinda confusing
> 
> It's also my first time writing a fanfic and uhh I hope I'm doing this right,,, I usually tend to be vague about what I write so this is kind of experimental but I liked how this turned out
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!!

The room wasn’t terribly big, but it was big enough for a child. A small, well-made bed pushed into the far corner of the wall that most likely has been attempted to be moved if the small scrapes of paint coming off had anything to say about it. On top of the bed was a slight sizeable bear plush, with what seemed to be a unibrow running across its face? Or perhaps it was a cyclops.

You weren’t sure but looking around, there wasn’t really anything redeemable about the room. It belonged to a kid, so of course there were some toys scattered around along with some drawings here and there. 

To be completely honest, you had no idea why you were here. As a matter of fact, you can’t even remember what you were doing before you found yourself in some kids’ room and all you can think of is a dark, empty place. 

You blinked.

What was your name?  
\-------------------------  
Your name is Matt, and you’re not real.

Well, that seems like a kind of harsh way of putting it, but it was true nonetheless. In a more delicate matter, you were imaginary. 

An imaginary friend, as Tom said repeatedly.

Speaking of Tom, he was the one who...created you? You’re not really sure how to put it into words, it was too confusing seeing as how you’re not sure how much you should know if a kid made you up, shouldn’t your knowledge be based around his and how much should you actually know? It was exhausting to think about it and every time you did, it gave you a headache you just let it go.

Though, in all, it’s been pretty good so far.

It’s only been a couple of months since Tom found you looking around his room. But it’s a little worrying how he didn’t seem concerned at all finding an adult he didn’t know in his room, just poking through his things. It could be because he hadn’t been taught anything about stranger danger yet since his parents probably thought he was too young at the tender age of six, or maybe they just haven’t gotten around to it.

You weren’t positive but you did make it definite to lecture him about it.  
\-------------------------

You’re outside watching Tom play with his parents, his bear, which was deemed Tomee Bear, clutched tightly in his hands as he runs around trying to catch his father. A messily colored party hat sits on top of all their heads except yours. Tom couldn’t figure out why it kept falling off of you and gave up once you reassured him that you’d keep it on you all day. 

It’s Toms’ ninth birthday today and he’s celebrating it only with his parents and you. It’s a little sad, knowing that he doesn’t really have any friends in school minus that one boy in his class named Edd, who sits at the same table with Tom regularly. He was supposed to be coming today but unfortunately he ended up getting sick and stayed home, however not forgetting to promise Tom that he’d make it up to him tomorrow.

Time passed fairly quickly and Tom didn’t open his presents until later that day once everything quieted down. 

It was hard for you to grab onto things for more than a couple seconds and it made you feel horrible since you wanted to get something special for Tom, but he insisted that he was fine with it because your friendship was enough for him.

You cried immediately when he said that and enveloped him into a warm embrace.There was so much you were feeling during that moment that you’re not satisfied with just saying you were overfilled with happiness; it was such an indescribable feeling that you knew you’d never forget it in a lifetime.

It was something you could look back on, years to come, and feel the same thing over and over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! 
> 
> Hope you all have a wonderful day today!

One thing that Tom was really into was music. 

Though to be more precise, he really adored jazz music.

It was his mother that got him into it since she happened to be a musician, and of course Tom looked up to her. She was an aspiring artist and quite popular at the shows she performed at, which just happened to be at small cafes and wherever she was offered to play at but that was fine.

Sometimes, whenever she had the time, she’d take Tom with her and sit him at a table real close so he could watch her. He came by so often that the employees already knew him by name and always made sure to have not only a table open for him, but a treat waiting for him there. 

So to be perfectly honest, you don’t think that ‘excited’ was really the right word for how Tom felt when his mother had given him a bass, one much smaller than what hers is. 

You couldn’t for the life of you remember what model Tom’s mother had said it was, but you recall seeing it at the music shop that she frequented with Tom. It was the only one on display, something that wasn’t sold so it was put up on sale; a shiny kind blue, where if you looked at it in the right light, it seemed to be covered in glitter. There was something different about it this time though, and it wasn’t until Tom pointed it out loud that you realized his mother had placed a small checkered pattern decal on the side of it, matching her own that she put on her bass. 

She had promised to teach Tom as much as she could, but only if he promised to name his bass first, which confused the both of you. Why would he need to name it? You didn’t see any purpose in it, and you could tell Tom didn’t either. 

Sensing this, she continued to tell him that naming the bass would show how much you care for and love it, in a way it was like strengthening a bond. You still didn’t understand, but Tom seemed to brighten up at that moment. 

Maybe he could explain it to you later.  
\-------------------------

You enjoyed sitting outside at night, when everyone is asleep and you’re alone with nothing but the quiet chirps of the crickets and the wind blowing the wind chimes that sat on top of a hook in the backyard.

It was calming. You felt at peace.

Nothing but you,

And your thoughts.

 

And the overwhelming feel of guilt churning around in your stomach, trying to claw its way out of you.

The world, from what you know now, is a cruel and unjust place that not even children, like Tom, are safe from. 

And it’s all

your

fault.  
\-------------------------

The funeral was short and quick.

To be honest, you’re not one hundred percent sure what happened. You were too caught up in your thoughts to pay attention, but it didn’t matter anyways. It’s not like anyone could see you besides Tom.

Tom..

He hasn’t spoken to you, refuses to even acknowledge your presence now and you don’t blame him. But it’s taken its toll on you. The more he rejects you, the more you feel yourself slipping away into the bottomless pit of a dark, inky black mess moaning out towards you as it attempts to take you back. You forgot things more easily, things that should be important, little things, you’ve even managed to forget your own name for awhile until you saw an old picture that was still left on the side of the fridge of; a drawing the Tom did of the both of you. 

You didn’t like seeing that picture anymore.  
\-------------------------

Often, you can’t help but think that maybe you do deserve this. That maybe, it’ll be better for him if you were to just be forgotten and disappear from existence slowly, leaving nothing behind but maybe a bitter memory that couldn’t quite be recalled. But, you were also scared.

You were so terrified of being forgotten and going back to that place that a small, selfish part of you wanted to stay here. To continue living on with Tom and try to make amends even if you knew the future was grim and there was no possible way for you to atone for what had transpired.

The reality of it was that you’re just a pathetic, sniveling coward and that’s all there is to it.


	3. Chapter 3

You are Matt.

 

Your name is Matt.

 

That is who you are. You can’t afford to forget again.

 

Every time you do, you lose something. Sometimes, it’s something small, like an old memory or something you’ve just done recently. Other times, it’s something big.

 

Like yourself.

 

You knew things weren’t going to get better for you, but you’re still always shocked when you realize just how long it’s been that you’ve been here. You should’ve been gone years ago, when Tom had first started to ignore you, but here you are. 

 

He’s going to be thirteen; you’re not too sure but you think that’s where he’s at now. Too old to have some sort of trace of your old imaginary friend, but that’s just how Tom was. He’s a smart kid, he’s got an excellent memory unlike you, so that’s probably why things have been dragging out for so long.

  
  


You really just want to disappear already.

\-------------------------

_ you’re out in the backyard, sitting down on an old metal chair that was already full of rust, just gazing up at the stars when you hear the glass doors slide open. _

_ you knew who was so you ignore him, choosing to confide in yourself at the moment. trying to recall the previous constellations you had learned way back when and tom does nothing but listen. when tom was younger, sometimes you’d both hang out here and gaze upon the stars. you’d point out the constellations to him and exclaim the stories behind them, using wild hand gestures as you were fully immersed into telling the story. tom used to enjoy those stories and always asked for you to retell them. _

_ now, that’s just a bittersweet memory that tugs at the back of your mind constantly.  _

_ sitting here, still naming out all  the constellations now, unsure of whether you’re doing it for yourself still or tom, he says something. it’s quiet, just barely enough to be a whisper. if you stopped talking, you probably would have heard it more clearly. but you didn’t. you kept on going, raising your voice just a tad higher. it’s wrong of you. you shouldn’t be doing this to tom, when he’s trying to reach out to you. but you also believe that this is fair. _

_ and that’s when it hits you. _

_ an undeniable wave of anger and stress and so many emotions frantically moving around you and it  _ **_hurts_ **

_ you’ve never felt like this before and you don’t know what to do. you’re shaking, you can’t see anything anymore. everything around you has turned into static. you can’t breathe. _

_ tom’s there, he’s trying to say something but you don’t hear anything but the constant thrum of humming in your ears, getting louder and louder and more distorted as time passes and you don’t know what’s going on it’s too much and you can’t do this anymore _

_ youcantyoucantyoucantyoucant—   _

_ \------------------------- _

Your name is Matt, and you’re fading away.

__

It took you some time, but you’re not as scared as you used to be now. It’s still frightening, to know you’re going back to some endless sinister void. A part of you is screaming in horror, refusing to be lead back there and you ignore it.

__

To be perfectly honest, you don’t even think Tom knows it yet. He’s almost fully forgotten you. Sometimes, he looks surprised whenever he actually sees you; which isn’t often. This isn’t a surprise to you. After all, you’re pretty much translucent now and if you looked down at your feet, you couldn’t see them at all. This was fine though, everything will work out in the end and you’ll finally be gone.

__

Like you’ve always wanted.

__

Like Tom has always wanted.

_\-------------------------_

_days come and go and you're not sure what to think,but it doesn't matter. not anymore anyways._

_you already know what's going to happen, it's inevitable. you would have never been able to stop it._

_you've accepted it._

 

 

_you're still scared._

_it's terrifying. seeing yourself slowly die out like this._

**_it's not fair._ **

**_\-------------------------_ **

You’re wandering around aimlessly when you spot Tom.

****

He’s outside, sitting down on a chair and laughing at his friends as they argue about something. You can see Edd, a long time friend of Tom, gesturing wildly as he tries to prove something to the other boy. Someone you can’t quite recall but he’s got a thick accent. 

****

You ignore them, opting to look at Tom again who’s quieted down now. He’s nursing a cold can of soda as he chooses to look on with a small smile. Your throat feels thick and you swallow it down harshly.

****

Something tugs at the back of your mind and you know you don’t have that much time left. Unsure of what to do, you look around helplessly for a few seconds then sit down near Tom.

He doesn’t make any movement. You don’t think he can see you anymore. That’s fine, it’s okay. Guess that just makes it easier for you.

****

Letting out a shaky breath, you open your mouth to finally speak.

****

“I’m sorry.”

****

He freezes and turns a little, but you continue.

****

“I feel like— I just feel like I could have done a lot more for you..”

****

Your eyes burn.

****

“I don’t have time, Tom. But I just want to let you know that I am so, so proud of you. I will say it as many times as I can because it’s true. You’re an absolutely amazing person,” you can’t stop, “and you’ve been through so much. Things were rough, they were hard for you and— and you just kept on going. I don’t think you know how brave and courageous you are.” 

****

It hurts so much.

****

“I know this not might seem like much, coming from me, but I wanted to let you know this before I go.”

****

It hurts.

****

“I’m not asking for forgiveness or pity. Personally, I think that it’s for the best if you didn’t forgive me.”

****

You don’t want this.

****

“I want the best for you, Tom. I want you be happy.”

****

You’re so scared.

****

“I promise that I’ll be okay. Everything is going to be fine.”

****

Liar.

 

“So please,”

You look at him and see the horrified look on his face.

You offer a weak smile in exchange.

“Live.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, dialogue? my enemy.
> 
> also there was some stuff i wanted to add but i couldn't figure out how to really write it out so they were cut and it kinda feels like it was rushed which wasn't my intention; i was going to go more deeper into tom's childhood w/ matt and also a clearer way of seeing how matt was slowly losing his mind but i guess kind of just came into acceptance w/ it; kinda like the 5 stages of grief kinda thing 
> 
> though i'm not totally dissatisfied w/ how this came out, i feel like maybe i could've done better?? but i know i'm still learning and experimenting w/ my writing so i won't be discouraged! i have plans for later in the future :)


End file.
